Sometimes

Sometimes you just don't know what to say...

I had a dream last night that my brother, Adam, somehow lived through his diabetes instead of dying and that he came back home to live with us in TX. Then upon moving back in with my mom in TX he died there. I remember blaming somebody in my dream and thinking that there was some way that Adam's death could have been prevented.

Whenever I think that I am starting to feel better with respect to my brother's death, I have a dream like this that opens up raw wounds and pain and hurt. I have often wondered if there was something that I could have done to prevent my brother's death, but I know that there isn't. (He died in MI alone in his apartment from a lack of insulin.) I've just felt out of sorts today, I don't know when I dreamed about my brother last night, but I just remember waking up and feeling exhausted. I almost wonder if I have been having dreams like this frequently and that these dreams have disrupted my sleep patterns. Who knows....

I still ponder the problem of evil, and the goodness of God. In the face of death all I can say is that God is good because He gives us hope for a life that is eternal. Although, sometimes it's hard to see the goodness of God when things like this happen. It's frustrating, I realize that God is in control and that God is perfectly good and all-powerful. I just wish I knew what God was thinking when He allows some things to happen.